New Year, New Word

For the past few years I’ve thoughtfully selected a word in which to theme the start of a new year. I have personally found this to be more beneficial than setting forth a list of resolutions or must-dos. While the word is a theme it also relates to a skill-set I wish to develop. Rather than sweeping changes, I work to incorporate this word or theme into each thing I do throughout the incoming year. I have learned a lot about myself through this process the past few years.

As I reflected on 2015 the past few days I realize my selected word was a powerful force for me as I charted a lot of new territory personally, professionally, physically and spiritually. We welcomed our first child and navigated the ever-changing waters of being new parents, caring for an infant, ourselves and our relationship. I have been given a wonderful opportunity when given a chance to expand my role at work which has allowed for many opportunities of growth and development. I’ve been able to travel and explore, I committed myself to a pretty consistent yoga practice and I continue to hone my meditation skills. Not everything is a picnic in life so there are ups and downs, learning opportunities and setbacks. But overall, what I learned in 2015 is that being present in the moment and trusting the plan provide relief, sanctuary and fortitude when life’s path can be circuitous. Just as it provides blissful joy during moments of path confirming experiences.

Taking this into account as I reflected on the closing year and looked ahead to 2016, I realized that time spent in constant motion, always planning – being – doing to position for the next step in the journey may not be the best approach. Does over planning, being caught up in the next two steps and possible outcomes draw away the power of present?

I have many aspirations and hopes for this new year. I may equally have as many worries, more so than ever before and maybe there are a lot of good reasons for that. In an attempt to move away from that which I cannot control and that which no longer serves me, I want to be honorable with my word, thought and action. Simply, I want to do what I say I am going to do.

Doing what you say you’re going to do seems simple, but it can be a challenge, for me at least. I often catch myself saying I am going to do ALL these things. Over planning every moment of each day, month, year, life. It can be exhausting and frustrating…and often led to disappointment and rigidity to the dips and turns and new doorways our path can provide us. So this year, I am going to continue to be focused in the moment at hand while remaining thoughtful of the future but not overly so to where I lose sight of the beauty and options that being flexible can provide. I am going to say only what I mean and follow through on that which I agree to, set my mind to and commit to honestly and wholeheartedly. That may cause the need to say no or not right now more often which I can predict will be hard but needed. I hope to execute the plans I have yet remain buoyant and supple.

I hope you had 2015 full of growth and joy; and, that 2016 brings you contentment and health.

Cheers! 

Jessica 

Love Your Mother

Happy Earth Day! 

Photo of the Blue Ridge Mountains from Black Rock Mountain State Park, GA
Taken May 2014

I love this Native American proverb. Such a powerful reminder of the blessing we have with our planet. You know, we don't get another one and we don't have a back up planet to go to if we ruin this one.  As my newborn son turns 3 months old on this day, I hope and pray people all around this world stop and consider their impacts and decisions.  I want my son's son and beyond to not only have this gift but to love and protect her as well.  

I hope you are moved to do more, speak out and stand up for the protection of our natural resources, for biodiversity and life on this, our beautiful home.  

A New Year

As 2014 was wrapping up, I took some time to reflect over the past 12 months.  An action I try to do every year.  It can be difficult finding some quiet time during the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, but doing so is something I've found to be extraordinarily worth while.  As I look back at 2014, many things come to mind - from new chapters starting, amazing new career opportunities, to working through challenges, to exploring new places and recommitting to our health.  All in all, the word growth seems so apropos to the year that was.  Growth personally, growth professionally, growth in our relationship and growth in our family unit as we expect the arrival of our baby.  Growth is not always easy, but the effort is almost always worthwhile.  I am ever grateful for the pathway I am on and have always tried to trust the plan, even when the reality of walking that plan, committing to that plan, means going with the flow and having perseverance and faith when challenges come up.  And, I am blessed to be walking may path with the best partner I could have by my side.  

                                                                                                

Adapted from Mashable

As I look ahead to 2015, on this, its first day, I am eager and hopeful.  It is my intention to continue the wonderful growth that I experienced in so many aspects of my life last year and plan to use that foundation as a springboard into the year ahead.  

Each New Year's Day, I select a word that will be my goal for the year, a guidepost if you will.  2015 my word is PRESENCE.  Presence is a complex word, one that I encounter often during my study and exploration into mediation, a practice that I started in 2014.  It is a word that means so very much in so many situations.  Webster's defines presence as the fact of being in a particular place: the state of being present. 

via GettingComfy.com

To me, presence evokes the awareness of the moment, of the current, without judgement.  It is neither good or bad, it asks for no judgement statement to be made, it only requires one to be fully aware of the now.  It also describes being fully involved in that moment, not worrying about the past or predicting the future.  It calls to mind a phrase Nick often says, "Chop Wood.  Carry Water."  A zen saying to bring your attention back to the action at hand.  It means committing to the moment at hand, committing to who you are with, what with you are doing, and not being distracted by thought, boredom or diversions.  It is something I struggle with at times and hope to explore further and incorporate more into my everyday life throughout the year.  I anticipate this skill may also help me as I become a first-time mother and walk this new, uncharted part of my journey. 

Today, as I look back with a grateful heart for all that 2014 offered and look ahead to 2015 with excitement, I hope to incorporate a few other habits into the next 12 months.  I want to challenge our family to spend at least 100 days outdoors.  I was inspired by a contest that Rock Mountain National Park issued in September of last year to get outside more and connect with nature.  I'll document our progress on my Instagram account.  To follow along, follow me @jpell224

In closing, I offer the blessing of St. Francis - 
May the Lord bless you and keep you; May He show His face to you and have mercy; May He give you peace.  

Happy 2015! 
-Jessica 

Busyness, Presence and Deep Breaths of Fresh Air

Presence...being in the current moment.  It is a challenge.  Time feels so fleeting.  I catch myself being surprised and shocked as days turn to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years.  Don't misunderstand, I try my best to live each day to the fullest.  Cliche I know, but it's my true intention.  Recently, I've felt disconnected a bit.  Running from one thing to the next whether at home or at work, spending most of my time being "busy".
 

Busyness.  

We're all busy aren't we?  Running from this thing to the next and then on to the next.  What's more is that if I am not abnormally busy one day, I almost feel bad about it.  Like it needs an explanation why I am not running about like a chicken without its head.  Right around the time I was feeling this way, I came across a pretty interesting article in the Washington Post, "Why Being Busy Makes Us Feel So Good" (link to article).  And, bam.  There it was.  I feel good being busy and honestly when stopping to ponder for a moment, it dawned on me.  I've been busy what feels like my entire life.  Busyness has been rewarded to be a condition of being good.  Perhaps it hasn't always been a cognizant decision or choice but still...what is rewarded creates habit.  

This article really made me think.  

Several weeks earlier, I was bemoaning my poor sleep.  Something I haven't had struggles with in many years.  I never felt rested.  My mind was always going.  It was hard to just relax, be in the moment without feeling my mind racing about all the things I should be doing.  Who hasn't felt this way at some time in their life?  

Awareness.  

It dawned on me that I knew better so I could also choose better.  As in most things with life, what's easy is rarely what's rewarding.  I wasn't living in my present moment.  

Slowly, I've been recalibrating myself to be more fully in the moment at hand.  In finding worth and value and joy out of whatever is happening in this moment.  Despite my best efforts, there are times when this is very challenging.  

In uncovering I needed to recalibrate, my husband and I decided to dedicate one day on the weekend to an outdoor activity.  For those that know me well, know that I am an outdoorsy gal.  For many reasons, some of which have been talked about in earlier blog posts here, I find being engaged with my natural world around me as a healing, refreshing, spiritual endeavor.  There isn't one single time I've come in from being outside and not felt completely and utterly renewed. 

So for the past several weeks, Nick and I have been spending one day together partaking in an outdoor adventure.  We've kayaked to an uninhabited barrier island for a picnic lunch and we've been hiking a variety of trails.  This most recent weekend, we spent a couple of hours hiking a portion of Tiger Creek Preserve (link to info).  It was quite a gem and is now one of my favorite park areas in the state.  Just outside of Lake Wales, Florida, it's about one and a half hours from my house in St. Pete.  Totally worth the drive, especially if you like:

1) blooming orange groves, 

2) having a beautiful piece of Florida completely to yourself (we were the first people on the trail in weeks according to the hikers log), and 

3) science.  

Surmise to say a few years ago - heck a few weeks ago - I may not have "gotten" it.  I may not have appreciated it because I was looking for something else, something more grandeur.  However, this was different because I was in the moment to notice things.  To see the zebra swallowtail dance through the air along the trail; to finally see a glimpse of the elusive Scrub Jay as it flits, hurriedly from bush to bush; to catch the sweet fragrance of orange blossoms scenting the gentle and cooling breeze; to hear only the melodious song of the many birds and our footsteps; to just be there, in that moment.  

It was a tough trail because it's mostly scrubby meaning sand that acts like snow capturing each footstep.  At times it was slow going up the hills, which are actually Florida's ancient islands.  As we muddled through the ascents and declines of the trail, it wasn't far from my mind that we were walking on land that was millions of years old, to a Florida that looked much different from the one I was experiencing at that very moment.  

“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.” 

- John Muir 

The Happiness & Heartbreak of Fostering Dogs

I am an animal lover and so is my husband.  We were both raised with pets and naturally we were so excited to have pets when we bought our first home more than four years ago.  We rescued four dogs so far (our first two dogs have passed due to old age) and we now have Allendale (Allee), our 4 year old golden and Theodore (Teddy), our 1 year old coonhound/saluki mix.  In fact, my parents jokingly say when they die they hope they come back as a dog in our house. 

We are so thankful for the organizations that we’ve used to find our dogs.  There are countless hours that go into rescuing dogs.  Much of this burden - of helping to give animals a second home, a second chance - comes by way of animal shelters, humane societies and the like.  However, there are many dogs that are helped through breed or type specific rescue organizations that are run solely by volunteers. 

Over the past year or so we started thinking about fostering to help out some of the organizations that we adopted dogs from in the past.  We decided we’d reach out to Florida All Retriever Rescue & Friends (FARR) and join their foster home volunteer group. 

When dogs first come into rescue it’s often a very trying time for both the organization and the dog.  The rescue is trying to line up appropriate foster homes, get the animal updated medically and begin to learn the dogs personality.  The dog is usually scared and unsure of what exactly is happening.  Sometimes they are owner-turn ins, sometimes a shelter is maxing out on space and other times they are found wandering the streets.  Once FARR agrees to take them in, they are transported to the Tampa Bay area sometimes several transfers happen via plane and/or car from around Florida and even from Georgia or Alabama.  Dogs, like children, relish in consistency and love so when that is upended it is tough for them. 

A few weeks ago an urgent call came asking for new foster homes to step up for a few dogs that needed to be placed as soon as possible.  That was our first venture into fostering.  Since then, we’ve had one other foster – a pup who needed lots of TLC since she had lived most her life in a shelter up to that point.  I won’t lie about this, fostering is difficult.  Logistics alone are a lot, with pick ups, vet records, sometimes vet appointments, marketing the dog, talking to potential adopters, setting meet and greets, paperwork when the adoption takes place, etc.  But it is also challenging to adjust them into a new environment with new people, a new routine and one that includes our two dogs as well. 

Although we are new fosters, the rewards with the two dogs we’ve helped have been outstanding.  Helping them to become better canine citizens has been fulfilling.  It’s fun to watch them grow and learn and play.  You can see it in their eyes when they begin to trust and relax and relish in dog-play with the ever-ready partner, Teddy. :) It can be frustrating and trying on your patience as you balance your life with the addition of someone new that needs usually a good amount of love, discipline/guidance and attention. 

I often joke to Nick that this is trying and I can’t envision the ordeal parents of children must have on a day in and day out basis.  But I can guess what keeps them going through the hard times.  The love and joy it must bring parents to see their kids having fun, laughing, living, and being a kid.  To some degree that is what renews us in doing this.  It’s the joy in seeing a dog get to be a dog and in turn, it fills us up.  It’s what helps when we feel frustrated and tired. 

I often think of our first foster and wonder how he’s doing with his new home and family.  He seemed to fit right in as soon as they came to meet him.  Like he knew this was where he was supposed to go.  However, our current foster is not yet adopted and there hasn't been a lot of interest just yet.  I think that's because our foster group alone has lots and lots of dogs available.  However, it's frustrating and sad.  She is being prepared to move to a new foster home because we are going to be leaving for vacation soon.  While our dogs are boarded, FARR's policy is that no available dogs go into boarding but are rather placed with another foster.  I completely understand and agree with this policy.  And I also know myself enough to know I am tired from this process.  She's a real sweetheart but 5 month old pups are lots of constant work.  I worry about her.  I care for her and know she's not mine, we're only getting to influence part of her journey and I pray that she's going to get a new foster and eventually a new family that will care for her and give her a happy, full dog life.  It's hard to love a pet who you know is only with you temporarily,  but it's also so fulfilling to see the strides she makes daily because we do love her.  

This whole thing may sound funny to read, especially if you aren’t a dog lover.  I am a dog person through and through.  My first friend was a dog.  My first memories of my life have dogs in them.  Dogs are important to me and to my family.  And I am glad we can help others who aren’t ours forever.  It is a challenge, a test of love, patience and a lesson in attachment and ownership.  Maybe we can learn a lot about enjoying the moment, about forgiveness and about being able to celebrate something that isn't ours forever because as a foster dog so eloquently reminds us, everything is on a clock and nothing lasts forever.   A dog can be such a good teacher if only we listen. 

I encourage you to find out about dog rescues in your area, especially if you are looking to add a four-legged friend to your family.  If you need recommendations in the Central/Southwest Florida area, feel free to contact me.  Another wonderful rescue we've adopted through is Golden Retriever Rescue of Mid-Florida.  If you can foster, consider doing so.  If you can’t, there many other ways to help and as with most things that have to do with dogs, there is joy and wagging tails waiting for you. 

Here’s to Casper and Polly and all animals that are currently in transition, waiting for their new homes.  And here’s to all the volunteers helping to ensure a new lease on life for them. 

Happy National Dog Day! 

Jessica 

Happy New Year!

One of my favorite times of the year is between Christmas and New Year's Day.  Like many, my thoughts are filled with reflection of the ending year and anticipation for the new year ahead.  I have always been a planner and I like the notion of making "resolutions".  This year, however, rather than a traditional approach of listing out things I want to do, change or start, I am selecting a word.  At first, I wasn't sure if I liked this idea since brevity is not usually my strong suit. ;)  I didn't know how I could appropriately encompass all I wish, hope and desire for the new year in one single word.  How can anything be covered in just one word?!

Much to my surprise, my word came to me yesterday during a peaceful, morning walk at a local park near my house.  The air was crisp and filled with birds singing, the perfect place for some thinking and reflecting.  After awhile, I realized the thing I loathe the most is feeling like life is flashing before my eyes, that weeks pass and I don't seem to even notice the difference as everything runs into the next thing.  My thoughts led me to the perfect word...intention.

This year, I am committing to living with intention.

Simply put, intention is defined as a determination to act in a certain way.  I want to be present in my life, I want to be awake and active and aware.  I want to set forth with a purposeful step each and every moment of my life.  I don't want to take this awesome and incredibly fragile gift of life for granted because I was too busy rushing from this to that, ticking off a to do list.  Yes, those things still need to be done, but I can do them with purpose so I can soak up every experience.  So then, in a year from today, I can look back confidently and know that I took every advantage of my life.  That I was determined and focused and grateful and present for every single moment regardless of success or failure.

My wish for you is to have peace, health and happiness in 2013.  If you are making any type of resolution(s), creating an action statement or choosing a word to guide you this year, I would love to hear about it!  If you feel so inclined, please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson,

Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.  He is rich who owns the day, an no one owns the day who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.  
Finish every day and be done with it.  You have done what you could.  Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt, crept in.  Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense.  
This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on the yesterdays.

There are No Words

Today is Friday of the second week of Advent.  I am Catholic and try to prepare for Christmas by reading daily readings, reflections and prayers.  Today's daily action asked me to "read Psalm 23 slowly, letting the words stir my heart and convey God's nearness."  Given the tragedy that happened today in Connecticut, of which I have no words, I wanted to share this psalm with you.  I believe it offers words of support and I hope it offers you the comfort it did for me when processing the events of today, regardless of your personal creed or feelings on religion.

My prayer is that these words can rain down upon all those impacted by this senseless act.  And that the choirs of angels are embracing those that lost their lives.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.  He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.  
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Travel Reflections: Dreary Weather & Good Memories

It’s a dreary, misting, cloudy sort of Friday.  It’s the kind of day where it looks like it will be chilly and it’s actually kind of muggy. You end up putting your jacket on and then taking it off because a nice medium is never really found.  That same medium tends to evade one’s mood too.  You might awake up-and-at-‘em but once the mist gently dampens your clothes on your way out the door, it can occasionally dampen your mood as well. 

My mind wandered a bit and I found myself thinking upon a day, much like this day, several months ago.  As I recalled that rainy, cloudy, misty day, I remembered all the beauty and peace that surrounded me.  I thought how about how we might have missed it all if we let the gloomy weather deter us.  Thankfully, we didn’t.  Because now I realize that was the day that I really began to appreciate these sorts of days.

For me, that day was really one of the neatest travel experiences I’ve had so far.  We were traveling in Vancouver Island, BC, and exploring many of the provincial parks within a moderate drive from our condo.  The weather couldn’t decide what it was doing most of the day, but by the time we arrived at Stamp River Provincial Park, it pretty much decided it was going to be raining and chilly.  It took a while to get there.  In fact, I thought we were lost and I could feel the anxiety building with the four of us as we followed curve after curve.  Just when we were all starting to get antsy, we arrived seeing just one other car in the lot. 

View Up Stream

We decided to forge ahead and I am so glad that we did.  The rain came and went, but mostly came.  The gentle and steady pace was so calming that the worry and anxiety that built up as we drove seemed to softly fall away.  The river was the main attraction as it was salmon run season.  I know it may sound weird to say this, but that was an amazing thing to witness and one I won’t soon forget.  The force of the river’s current, so loud, roaring and racing by. These exhausted fish; they just kept swimming, kept fighting, to get up stream.  The mist acted as a veil slowly dancing in and out to cloak the panoramic view.  It was early fall and some trees couldn’t hide that fact anymore with pops of red, yellow and orange peaking through.     

There was a peace I found that day, deep and quiet.  Occasionally, yells of excitement would break that quiet as we watched a brave Coho salmon make a leap into the air to jump the falls and inch closer to his goal.  We never did see the black bear we knew had to be lurking by, hoping he could catch a few worn out fish as his afternoon prize. 

Coho Salmon Making the Leap 

It was a time that stood still, almost, with no real interruptions.  As I look back on it, through pictures or thoughts, I always remember the feeling of just being.  The peace.  The quiet.  The sound. It was a perfect day for soothing a tired and weary soul.  I think that’s what helps me to enjoy days like today more than I did before. After all, isn’t that what traveling and exploring and doing new and different things is all about? 

Stamp River

10 Years Later

Like countless others, I remember exactly what was happening ten years ago today.  I was in my sophomore year at UE and that Tuesday morning was a three hour painting class.  Since it was such a long class period, we normally took a break around 9 am and went down to Union Station on campus to get a beverage and/or snack.  We already knew something was going on in New York City because we listened to NPR in class.  We thought it was a pilot who made an error and ended up in one of the World Trade buildings.  After we went through the check out line, we stood there our eyes transfixed on the tv that was on CNN streaming live video feed of the WTC.  We hypothesized how it could have happened, I think I even made a joke about the pilot…saying something like “how could you NOT miss that?!”  and one of my classmates chuckled in agreement.  As we stood there, another plane came into the screen and, well, you know the rest. 

It felt like time stood still, the images still frozen in my mind.  When I recall it, which I don’t really like to do, I still feel that empty, sinking hurt in my chest.  We continued to stand there, transfixed, like our feet were in concrete until the first tower fell and then the next.  We watched on live tv the fear and horror of the gray smoke rolling down the streets engulfing New York.  After a little while, we returned back to class. 

It was healing to be in that painting class because words were gone.  The disbelief continued to grow.  Because as we saw that other plane barrel into the other tower, we knew it wasn’t an accident or error, it was a planned attack.  I was working on certain painting, it was a monochromatic landscape done in oil.  I threw myself into the shades of blue that I was using and only came out of that trance-like state when a fellow student shouted, “another one crashed…this time into the Pentagon!”  And shortly thereafter was Flight 93 in Pennsylvania.  I don’t remember much else until about 5 pm that night.  My close group of friends gathered together one of our friend’s older sisters apartments.  We had dinner together, glued to the tv, still in utter shock.  I know I talked with my mom 300 times that day.  Just to say we loved each other, making sure we were okay, checking about the safety of my cousin who lived in NYC, just talking to hear a voice of a loved one since so many other peoples loved ones were no longer able to do the same as to not take that opportunity for granted.  

I know we all have stories from that day.  I remember my mom telling me how this was my “JFK” moment…since she was about my age when he was assassinated.  Later that week, as a newly declared Political Science major (I spent my first year as an Athletic Training major till I realized I hated it and wanted to follow a passion), I was taking a political theory class with a highly opinionated but extremely insightful political theorist by trade.  He was gruff rather to the point and was sort of an enigma to me.  Well, my next class with him after 9/11 was a Friday afternoon when the campus was all wearing red-white-and-blue.  So here we were, bright eyed and bushy tailed in our best patriotic gear when in walks my professor who quickly looks over the room and rather abruptly states that we must "be careful and mindful so as to not blind ourselves to what our leaders will do in the aftermath.  We are no longer in a post-Cold War era, we are in post-9/11 era and our patriotism will be used to shield us from what is really going on."  I couldn’t believe my ears, I was mad, angry and so confused.  I remember later that day, a dear friend telling that she didn’t understand what the big deal was…this whole thing was in New York and the east coast, and we were in Indiana.  Why did it matter…that statement still bothers me to this day.  Now, it retrospect, that day shattered my idealism and my innocence.  It is that which leaves me raw. 

In any case, I wanted to share my memories of that day and the days following.  I know everyone is doing that, especially with the 10-year anniversary, but I find it cathartic to share my story and read others too. 

As I do so, I often think that it’s 10 years later and I am still very raw emotionally when I think back to that day or see those images, usually moved to tears. I especially like to read the stories of those directly impacted…I have been pretty dedicated in reading the countless stories that Yahoo! has been publishing and encourage you to do so as well.  They are amazing and I feel like it is such a great way to honor those who perished that day. 

As I reflect on how to best honor those personally, I am drawn to the individuals that fought back on United Flight 93.  I find that story so incredibly amazing.  To see death and know its so close but to not let that reality paralyze but rather to be drawn into action.  My husband and I have decided to honor this day and celebrate the lives of all that were lost.  We are honoring them in our own way.  We have decided to spend some quite time at daybreak out in nature, kayaking to be exact.  Just to be in the quiet of the morning, to just be in the present, together.  I find being outdoors in nature to be the most healing, renewing and spiritual.  Because of being drawn to the actions of those on Flight 93 and our love of wild places, we have also decided to make a donation to the Flight 93 memorial that is in progress in Shanksville, PA.  Phase I of this new national memorial was dedicated yesterday but it is still shy of reaching it’s full fundraising goal.  Our donation won’t make a huge impact but it is what we can do…a little thing that collectively, with others, can be a big thing.  You know, I think that’s the real lesson.  Together we can do so much more. 

To learn about the Flight 93 memorial, visit http://www.honorflight93.org or http://www.nationalparks.org

The Yahoo! Studios 9/11 tributes can be found on yahoo.com's homepage.  

What Labor Day Means to Me

Well, yesterday was Labor Day and I enjoyed the holiday with my husband and pups and got new tires on my car.  I know, fun right?  I also was able to have a day where I slowed down from the usually busy routine and schedule to just enjoy the day as it unfolded.  I got to thinking about labor, working, mission, sacrifice, futures, plans and the holiday itself.  How hard it must be for the millions of Americans to celebrate a holiday that rewards and honors workers when so many don’t have work.  Or how bittersweet a holiday like that is for the millions more that are underemployed or working several jobs to “make it”.  Or how much of a struggle it is for those that hate what they do/where they work but have to just to pay bills.  For the first time I really pondered about this holiday that I for so long loved simply because it was a day off of school and as I aged, work.  It was a party, a celebration of the end of summer, but frankly it held not much more meaning than that.  But yesterday, my thoughts lead me to a different place…

…We all labor in different ways.  I bet if you asked 10 different people what they think of when they hear the word labor you’d get 10 different answers.   Heck, when I think of what it means to me, I might give several different answers myself.  Because to labor means so many different things. 

Lately, when I hear or consider the term labor, I immediately think of discipline and a quote from scripture that essentially calls those to be disciplined for the moment so they can be rewarded with a peaceful righteousness.  That is a good description for me and how I view working toward something—you have to stay focused and on point so you can enjoy the accomplishment when the goal has been attained.    

And last week one of oldest friends had her first baby.  She labored.  And, a beautiful gift came from it as little Aubrey entered the world.    

And, then my thoughts go to another dear friend who took a leap to start her own business to create a new and exciting chapter for herself despite worries and risk.  She kept her faith and followed that dream in her heart.       

Labor Day.  What an interesting and thought-provoking holiday.  To me, Labor Day is truly a celebration.  A celebration that I am content in laboring for something of meaning, endeavoring for something, creating something more; birthing a new chapter.  No matter the personal situation, we are all working toward something, for something, even if the end is not always so clear.  So I really believe that Labor Day is Gratitude & Hope Day.  Gratitude for our blessings and Hope for what and where our endeavors are taking us.  Even if unclear, having hope to go on, to embrace life, to risk and to create…for now and the future.    

I’d be curious what Labor Day means to you.  If you feel so inclined, please share your thoughts.  I am always so inspired by the sharing of others thoughts/opinions/experiences. 

A Trip for the Soul

"Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts." 

                                                                                                   - Oliver Wendall Holmes

I spend a lot of time thinking about trips.  It's a hobby of mine; one of my most favorite stress relievers.  Most of the magazines I subscribe to are travel-related.  I research destinations that I am interested in going to, sometimes even if I don't have a trip planned there...you know, just in case.  I cut clippings out about potential destinations and spend countless hours preparing for trips that are in the works, researching histories of each place, the best transit options, experiences and more.  I even talk about travel a lot in this blog, in fact, that was one of my motivations for starting it.  

Having just returned from my last trip on Tuesday evening, I find myself now reflecting of my time spent.  And, in doing so, I realized that sometimes that best trip is a trip home.  Home for me is St. Louis, Missouri.  I know, not exotic at all.  But something about home far outweighs the allure of a fancy location.  Now, that's not to say I don't love going to new and different places, but I've come to understand a trip home, is really a trip for my soul.  

This particular trip, I co-hosted a baby shower for one of my closest and oldest friends; had a girls day bumming with my mom; kayaked the lake with my dad; enjoyed my extended family as we partook in a family tradition of celebrating the Fourth together with a fast-pitch whiffle ball game and fireworks on the lake; watching a great movie with my niece, nephew and sister; spending the afternoon with my in-laws and great-nephew; there are so many others.  Some of my favorite times were just being in my childhood yard, having my best friend spend the night at my house (like we did when we were kids!) and taking a long family walk through the neighborhood at sunset.  I realized, I don't have to do anything out of the ordinary to gain a sense of renewal, fullness and peace.  And, that is very good for the soul.  

So as I am settling back into my routine in the 'Burg, I find myself thinking about the simplicity of home, of what that means and why it's important.  As I create new memories, experiences and a new sense of home here in St. Petersburg, I know while I can share my heart, it will always be intertwined with the first community I ever felt a real sense of place, of belonging, of home...and, that's with my St. Louis.  It’s part of who I am.  My feet may leave you, but you are always in my heart.  I know that as I create my new home experience in Florida, I am set up to be happy and fulfilled because my soul is reminded of what makes a home—family, friends, a sense of place

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of what's important.  And, for all of that, my soul is glad.  

I will happily share my thoughts on why St. Louis is an awesome place to check out.  If you are interested in learning more, I've included some links - www.explorestlouis.com  and www.lakesaintlouis.com  
Same goes for St. Petersburg - www.visitstpeteclearwater.com/articles/st-petersburg 

Dog (noun) : a loyal companion; faithful friend; a wise teacher

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"The great thing about a dog is that you can make a fool of yourself in front of her and not only will she not scold you, but she will frequently make a fool of herself too." 

-unknown 

Swimming at St. Joe State Park in the Panhandle.

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I am a dog lover.  I grew up with lots of dogs around me.  Almost every picture of me as a child has a dog in it.  Luckily for me, I married a dog lover.  Nick and I couldn't wait until we had a place so we could finally have a dog.  In fact, we often say the only reason we bought our own home was so we could finally get a dog.  The longest either of us had ever been without a dog was the first four years we were married because we were renters and no one allowed big dogs.  In 2008, we were finally in a position to be pet-parents!  We decided to adopt from the Golden Retriever Rescue of Mid-Florida.  I became familiar with GRR when my parents adopted our last family dog, Jake, from the St. Louis, Missouri chapter.  He was a great guy who needed a second chance.  So when Nick and I considered our options, we knew we had to check into GRR.  The Mid-Florida chapter had just what we were looking for...a beautiful red golden girl.  Her name was Jordan which we thought was fitting since our niece's name is also Jordan.  We took it as a sign.  The bonus for us, is that we found out Jordan came with her brother, Zeus, a golden blond boy.  They grew up together and GRRMF didn't want to separate them if at all possible since they were seniors and had lived their whole lives together.  We had intended just one, but thought, "why not?"  Goldens, after all are quite social and like interaction.  They would keep each other company and we'd be helping to keep them together.  Finally, after a long adoption process full of applications, interviews and house visits, we were awarded Jordan and her brother, Zeus... 

Eyeing up the bird on Thanksgiving 2009.

...fast forward this story to last December.  Zeus was going in for surgery to remove a tumor that was on the outside of his front elbow.  Since we were in and out of the vet for that, we took Jordan in for her yearly check-up.  She is the type-A golden--healthy, likes to retrieve everything and is a big fan of swimming and going for her daily walk.  We did not expect the news we were given.  The vet found a softball-sized tumor on her spleen.  Surgery wasn't really an option and we would not put her through chemo, so we decided to leave it as is.  It is terminal and the vet informed us it could be anywhere from one month to a year, depending on how quickly it spreads.  She could maintain her normal lifestyle with the exception of frisbee.  She could no longer bound around, jumping for the frisbee because the motion could puncture the tumor...if that happens she has just 12 hours...

Hanging out by the campfire.

...so here we are in late April and Jordan is still with us.  She is deteriorating and seems to be shrinking away to me, but she is still active, still eating, still wanting to go to the park and loves her daily walks around the neighborhood.  But she is dying.  

There are hardly words for me to express the pain I feel watching her and trying to care for her and soothe her on her bad days.  And, then turn to soothe Nick or have him try and soothe me.  It's a heart-breaking, wretched feeling.  You know, I can't compare this to death of a loved one because in that case, I was able to say things like, "she lived a long, healthy life."  "she didn't suffer."  "he was ready to go and no longer in pain."  and, other coping statements that accompany a long-life lived.  But, when it's your dog...and your first dog, at that...there are no coping statements.  It's just a reality when you are a pet owner.  You love a dog, care for it, it is part of your family, but you always know at some point they have to move from this life.  I've gone through this with my other family dogs, but Jordan is my dog.  My very own; my first dog.  She is part of mine and Nick's family.   

We would often dress them up in polos during our house remodel...it always made us laugh in an otherwise stressful time.

Zeus is doing well so far.  I am confident that he knows there is something up with her.  He occasionally  smells her tummy where the tumor is, like he knows it is in there.  He sleeps near her a lot of the time and is more gentle when they play without us even reminding him to be that way.  Their little pack is resilient and flexible and understanding; it an amazing thing to witness.  

What's more amazing to me is how Jordan has been behaving since the diagnosis.  At first there were hardly any signs, but slowly, over time, they've developed and are now continuing to manifest in different ways.  Thankfully, many days are still good days.  She is sleeping well, still has an appetite most of the time, gets excited for walks and acts as our yard-sentinel.  Beyond that, she has bright spots even on her bad days.  She knows she is dying but she is enjoying the hell out of each day.  

She loves snoozing by the Christmas tree.

What a great lesson, little Jordan-girl has given to us.  She doesn't complain, she doesn't whine, she goes on about her day enjoying each little thing she can.  She isn't worried about the walk next week, she is happy to be on the one she's on now.  She isn't snippy and barking because she couldn't eat breakfast.  She still loves, she is still loyal, she is still retrieving.  It reminds me of all the time I can sometimes waste being caught up in the negative aspects of a situation.  Watching her go through this has taught me a lot about being grateful, about being in the present and about carrying on even when there is a lot crap that I don't like, don't understand or don't want.  She's also brought a lot of joy.  

I am going to miss her when she finally passes.  I tell her each night that it's okay if she wants to go to sleep and not wake up because if she's in pain, I don't want her to suffer just to stick around with us since she's loyal almost to a fault.  I have this visual of her going to join my grandparents and good friend, Annie, in some form of heaven.  It helps me to feel better thinking they'll all be together...  


In any case, I appreciate you for reading this story about my good dog, Jordan.  It is hard for me to talk about but sharing this story through the written word greatly helps.  Throughout this article, I've included some of my favorite pictures of her from many of our experiences together.  I hope you enjoyed them.  Now, I am going to go and enjoy some time with her...

Letter to my old friend

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"The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever."  
                                                                               -jacques yves cousteau 


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Dear Ocean,

I was just eight or nine when we first met, but I knew I loved you at once.  It might have been your waves crashing the long strand of carmel sand that first drew me in.  I can't say for sure now.  It could have been your music that you so easily provide.  Creating a symphony of clapping, thundering and crashing for all to abide.  Up and down the coastal highway, I was lost in your vastness.

I did not see you for many years, but again I found you.  As I grew older, I knew I couldn't be too far away.  I soon realized you were a companion that understood without any words needing to be said.

Again and again I returned to see you.  But, always did I have to leave.

My thoughts were drawn to you often and soon I found myself living near your shore.  I wanted to be able to see you more.

Now that you are my ever-present friend, I seek out your wonder whenever time lends.  And, sometimes, still now, our visits are too far apart.

And what I have found is that no matter the time or distance, your companionship is still sought.  Your different personalities has shown me what you truly are--you can be so many things.  You can be gray and angry or crystal clear and ice blue.  You can be warm or cold.  You are a home and a shelter.  You are church and spirit.  You are life and power.  You are flexible yet sometimes unforgiving.  You fall on distant sands.  And, most of all, you have helped to show me, me.

So I write you this letter from my heart, to thank you and acknowledge you for all you have done.  I know you'll be a traveling companion of mine helping me to learn more, experience more and embrace more, to be open and yet strong.  You'll be my friend for my whole life long.

Till I see you again,

Jessica

Why National Parks (and visiting them) Matter.

I should give some background information.  I grew up in a small town on about 5 acres of land accessible only by gravel roads and surrounded by farm fields.  We had a huge garden, a barn, a horse, a few dogs and barn cats.  Now, that same area is one of the fastest growing sprawl sites in the country and my former yard has about six houses on it…but I digress.  I give this background because I grew up rural.  Like, out there.  I was always outside.  Exploring, riding my bike, playing in the fields, riding the horse…anything to be outside.  My parents always were outside with us and our “trips” always consisted of being outdoors, experiencing nature.  My mom would tell stories of the Native Americans and gray wolves to help us learn appreciation for things that were different from us yet still incredibly valuable.  It was an amazing way to grow up…something I am more grateful of as each year passes by. 

Even with the strong appreciation of nature that was instilled in my sister and I growing up, we didn’t take many vacations.  I was not aware of National Parks until I was a little older and we did school projects about them.  I didn’t become really involved with National Parks until just recently.  They are now very important places to me.  Even to the ones I have not seen.  I feel a sense of ownership and stewardship because they are mine…as they are yours, as they are everyone’s.  That’s why National Parks matter.  It’s simple really.  Stephen T. Mather, the first National Parks System (NPS) Director, said it best,

“The parks do not belong to one state or to one section.... The Yosemite, the Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon are national properties in which every citizen has a vested interest; they belong as much to the man of Massachusetts, of Michigan, of Florida, as they do to the people of California, of Wyoming, and of Arizona."  (adapted from the National Park System website) Now that's a wonderful notion.  

The first National Park was Yellowstone, created by an Act of Congress in the year eighteen hundred and seventy two.  Now there are more than 300 parks, recreation areas, historical monuments, seashores and other NPS properties in the system.  Many advocates along the way helped to make this happen and it usually always entailed a fight.  I have heard the average visit to Grand Canyon (the one park, President Theodore Roosevelt said every American should see) is just 3.5 hours.  3.5 hours.  Wow.  And, some people never see a National Park in their lifetime even for an hour.  To me, that’s a tragedy. 

It can be argued that the parks system is a waste  of essential tax payer money in these difficult economic times for our country.   Some states are even considering closing state parks due to financial burdens and failing budgets.  That, too, is a travesty, in my opinion.  Now, more than ever, we need to be outside, embracing all the blessings that entails.  In our busy, hectic, concrete-dependent lives, we need to carve out some time to just be.  

                             To just enjoy the present.  

                                    To just take a deep breath of fresh air. 

                                                To just get away.

                                                            To gain a new perspective.

                                                                        To reflect and come back renewed.  

I challenge everyone to embrace their National Parks.  As Wallace Stegner said about the parks, 

“…(they) are absolutely American, absolutely democratic, they reflect us at our best rather than our worst.” (adapted from the National Park System website) 

My husband and I have taken this challenge.  Anytime we go on vacation now, we try to check out a National Park property nearby.  This summer we’ve been to Everglades National Park, Big Cypress National Preserve, Great Smoky National Park and Cape Cod National Seashore.  Each one provided a renewing and rewarding experience.  I was able to wander, explore, push my physical limitations, strengthen my spirituality and really just slow down and be present, in the now.

As I work in my day-to-day life, I see people wound so tight.  I often hear them say, “Something is wrong, someone is to blame, everything sucks.”  Those people have grown hard…they’ve been away from nature too long as Chief Luther Bear from the Lakota Sioux tribe says.   We all need open, wild spaces to reconnect to who we are.  (I think this is true even if you don’t love to be outdoors because of nature’s healing qualities).  

So, National Parks matter.  Maybe differently to everyone, but matter they do.  Take the opportunity to visit the lands you own, that your ancestors owned, that your children’s children are yet to own.  Embrace their healing winds, surround yourself with wonder, get away and just be. 

I am glad I did.  And, I am glad for people like John Muir who fought for the parks.  I am glad for presidents who support this great idea, like Theodore Roosevelt (who initiated the NPS) and Barack Obama (who is reenergizing the people around the parks with the America's Great Outdoors Initiative -you can also find this on Facebook to get updates and information about the initiative).  I am glad for my parents instilling in me a love for wild places and appreciation for being outdoors.  I am glad for my national parks.  I hope you are too. 

For more information, click on the links in the post; check out The National Parks Conservation Association - www.npca.org and/or watch the documentary by Ken Burns--The National Parks: America's Best Idea