Like countless others, I remember exactly what was happening ten years ago today. I was in my sophomore year at UE and that Tuesday morning was a three hour painting class. Since it was such a long class period, we normally took a break around 9 am and went down to Union Station on campus to get a beverage and/or snack. We already knew something was going on in New York City because we listened to NPR in class. We thought it was a pilot who made an error and ended up in one of the World Trade buildings. After we went through the check out line, we stood there our eyes transfixed on the tv that was on CNN streaming live video feed of the WTC. We hypothesized how it could have happened, I think I even made a joke about the pilot…saying something like “how could you NOT miss that?!” and one of my classmates chuckled in agreement. As we stood there, another plane came into the screen and, well, you know the rest.
It felt like time stood still, the images still frozen in my mind. When I recall it, which I don’t really like to do, I still feel that empty, sinking hurt in my chest. We continued to stand there, transfixed, like our feet were in concrete until the first tower fell and then the next. We watched on live tv the fear and horror of the gray smoke rolling down the streets engulfing New York. After a little while, we returned back to class.
It was healing to be in that painting class because words were gone. The disbelief continued to grow. Because as we saw that other plane barrel into the other tower, we knew it wasn’t an accident or error, it was a planned attack. I was working on certain painting, it was a monochromatic landscape done in oil. I threw myself into the shades of blue that I was using and only came out of that trance-like state when a fellow student shouted, “another one crashed…this time into the Pentagon!” And shortly thereafter was Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. I don’t remember much else until about 5 pm that night. My close group of friends gathered together one of our friend’s older sisters apartments. We had dinner together, glued to the tv, still in utter shock. I know I talked with my mom 300 times that day. Just to say we loved each other, making sure we were okay, checking about the safety of my cousin who lived in NYC, just talking to hear a voice of a loved one since so many other peoples loved ones were no longer able to do the same as to not take that opportunity for granted.
I know we all have stories from that day. I remember my mom telling me how this was my “JFK” moment…since she was about my age when he was assassinated. Later that week, as a newly declared Political Science major (I spent my first year as an Athletic Training major till I realized I hated it and wanted to follow a passion), I was taking a political theory class with a highly opinionated but extremely insightful political theorist by trade. He was gruff rather to the point and was sort of an enigma to me. Well, my next class with him after 9/11 was a Friday afternoon when the campus was all wearing red-white-and-blue. So here we were, bright eyed and bushy tailed in our best patriotic gear when in walks my professor who quickly looks over the room and rather abruptly states that we must "be careful and mindful so as to not blind ourselves to what our leaders will do in the aftermath. We are no longer in a post-Cold War era, we are in post-9/11 era and our patriotism will be used to shield us from what is really going on." I couldn’t believe my ears, I was mad, angry and so confused. I remember later that day, a dear friend telling that she didn’t understand what the big deal was…this whole thing was in New York and the east coast, and we were in Indiana. Why did it matter…that statement still bothers me to this day. Now, it retrospect, that day shattered my idealism and my innocence. It is that which leaves me raw.
In any case, I wanted to share my memories of that day and the days following. I know everyone is doing that, especially with the 10-year anniversary, but I find it cathartic to share my story and read others too.
As I do so, I often think that it’s 10 years later and I am still very raw emotionally when I think back to that day or see those images, usually moved to tears. I especially like to read the stories of those directly impacted…I have been pretty dedicated in reading the countless stories that Yahoo! has been publishing and encourage you to do so as well. They are amazing and I feel like it is such a great way to honor those who perished that day.
As I reflect on how to best honor those personally, I am drawn to the individuals that fought back on United Flight 93. I find that story so incredibly amazing. To see death and know its so close but to not let that reality paralyze but rather to be drawn into action. My husband and I have decided to honor this day and celebrate the lives of all that were lost. We are honoring them in our own way. We have decided to spend some quite time at daybreak out in nature, kayaking to be exact. Just to be in the quiet of the morning, to just be in the present, together. I find being outdoors in nature to be the most healing, renewing and spiritual. Because of being drawn to the actions of those on Flight 93 and our love of wild places, we have also decided to make a donation to the Flight 93 memorial that is in progress in Shanksville, PA. Phase I of this new national memorial was dedicated yesterday but it is still shy of reaching it’s full fundraising goal. Our donation won’t make a huge impact but it is what we can do…a little thing that collectively, with others, can be a big thing. You know, I think that’s the real lesson. Together we can do so much more.
To learn about the Flight 93 memorial, visit http://www.honorflight93.org or http://www.nationalparks.org
The Yahoo! Studios 9/11 tributes can be found on yahoo.com's homepage.
